Does Anyone Have Any Questions?

by: Elizabeth

I never thought to mention that I'm happy to answer any questions about having cancer. It's one of those scary unknowns in life. Frankly, it has quite a press agent...it's not the demon it's made out to be. Even at its worst there are plenty of great times while fighting cancer. Since I'm here, I'd love to answer any questions anyone has.

The great thing about this blog is that you can leave anonymous comments. So ask away. Don't worry about my feelings, no need to be bashful. If I don't know the answer from personal experience, I'll say so.

You can leave me tips and tricks for battling side effects anonymously too.

This should be fun...

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Fighting Like a Girl

by: Elizabeth

Since I last wrote, the effects of the chemo got tougher. I have to say, I was taken by surprise. I expected to feel bad at times, but I did not expect what happened. Besides nausea (and it's result), I encountered, well, let's say some startling G.I. issues. Relentless, for days were these symptoms. Damn, that was really awful. Feeling a bit dishearted to think we have 5 more months of chemo. Time to start fighting like a girl!

I don't want to jinx things but my hair is still on my head, although I'm officially shedding more than the family dog. I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibility of total hair loss, but it's intimidating. My hair has been one of my defining features all my life. It's ironic, if not absurd, that dead cells (hair) have been so important to my identity. Time to get my priorities straight by focusing on healthy live cells. Yeah, still intimidated.

Georgie and Bryson are doing well. We've been visited by a few kiddo viruses, but they are both happy and doing well. Hannah has provided our family with stability and relief that has made a very positive difference. Her help has been especially crucial when Bryan has been out of town on business.

This week the boys are out of school. While Hannah will come each day around noon, I'll have the boys in the mornings. I'm a bit worried about facing side effects and energetic boys during the mornings. Things will work out...they always do.

Bryan is great. He's really great. He's heroically balanced all that's been coming his way, and still seems to smile. New business opportunities have been coming his way. He's earned them in spades.

I'll write more frequently from now on. Thanks for your kind interest in our family.

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Not Scared!

by: Elizabeth

Those that know me well, know I can get carried away with worry. I'm just baffled...it's not happening anymore. I have a bit of an understanding about what the difference is nowadays, but truthfully I'm still hoping to understand more.

The simplest answer could be: I just know all is fine and will continue to be. At the risk of overanalyzing (another of my propensities), I'd like to be able to specifically identify what is giving me this new sense of security and confidence that I am and will be fine.

Of course the first and most obvious answer is God and my complete trust that he is watching out for me. Yet, I thought I believed that before my mm. Since my diagnosis I actually feel my belief much more than I did before.

Adding to my faith, the cascading love and support of friends and family is extraordinarily comforting and fortifying. To feel loved is true comfort. This is especially true since I lost my mom 5 years ago. Sometimes it seems this 'illness' is the final stage of my grieving for my mom. That may sound strange, but it's as if I've been holding pain and guilt, and now, it's 'come to a head'. It's nearly over. Once I'm done facing down the mm, I'll be free to live without the burdens that held my heart after mom passed. By the way, I don't advocate this method of coping. Just saying it might have been my path.

And then, of course, I have the limitless desire to be a part of my husband and sons' lives. I want to love them and see them through so many important parts of their present and future. For them, I know I could do anything; this mm doesn't stand a chance in the face of my fierce love for my family.

Speaking of my wonderful family. This past Friday was a delightful day for us. It was a day that Georgie felt such pride and accomplishment. None of this could have been possible without his daddy and his Boy Scout den leader, Tom Millhoff. (That's Sue Rock's husband.) Tom and Sue's oldest son was born within months of Georgie, both boys are in second grade together now.

This past Friday was the Pinewood Derby Race. Each boy in the pack, along with their parent, made a car to race in the derby. They started with a block of wood, four nails and four wheels. Bryan and Georgie, along with Tom, saw to the true design work. I even got to help out with a few last minute touches.

Georgie's car even performed well. He felt so proud as his car won a few of the heats. It was so delightful to see his happiness and pride, as his friends Anna and Max cheered for him. He was especially delighted to win the award for funniest car.

On Saturday, we had a family job for TahoeKidsGuide.com and Examiner.com. We researched and played at Granlibakken resort here at Lake Tahoe. Here's our workproduct. We had a similar job a few weeks ago at Heavenly Mountain Resort.

Have a great day. Thanks for listening.

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New Snow and a Grateful Outlook

by: Elizabeth

Happy Thursday morning! Lake Tahoe is blanketed with several feet of fresh snow. Kuddos to those that spent the hours of the morning keeping the roads clear; today was not a 'snow day' at school. Bryan hopped up at 4:30a to make an appointment in the San Francisco Bay area, he said even the highways were great.

The boys were exceptionally cooperative as we prepared for school this morning. So good, in fact, they got to call Dad to brag. Our always kind friend Alina arrived at 7:45a to take the boys to school. Alina even made the rounds at school to see if she could find Georgie's mittens. Thanks Alina!

This past Monday was my second chemo treatment. Although the storm and Martin Luther King Day traffic caused us to arrive late, Dr. Heifetz office took wonderful care of me. Monday morning, before chemo, Wendy and J.J. Mueller sponsored a truly soothing massage for me. How comforting it was to have that tender start to treatment day. Thank you so much guys!

Chemo has been going pretty well. Although the side effects, mainly nausea, have been a bit imposing when, I look at the alternative, I can find a way to be glad for even that.

Making the tough times easier all week long have been truly wonderful friends. Cristine has really be wonderful organizing and implementing the boys schedule these past 10 days. Bryson loved his playdate with Kylie; thank you Michelle. Georgie loved his playdate with Nathan; thank you Gina. Lovisa brought a delightful dinner for us on Monday; she single handedly introduced the first bite of salmon to my sons' discriminating palettes. Huge 'thank you' for that.

Today is Hannah's first day. She will help us care for the boys on weekdays. Today will be a full first day for Hannah. Bryson will enjoy his third ski lesson. Pick up at school on this snowy day is likely to be an expedition unto itself.

Hopefully the weather will allow for Bryan to come home from San Francisco to Tahoe tonight. If it snows too much, however, Bryan promised he would spend the night in Sacramento.

Looking at last week and this week together, I'm starting to see that my best days will be Thursday through Sunday. Always like those days of the week best anyway.

I'm off to enjoy a good day. I hope you do the same. Hugs.

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Still Here-Husband on the Run

by: Elizabeth

On Saturday, Bryan and I decided to go out to see a really funny movie. We were excited, like kids, about our date. We played around in stores. Bryan bought me a pretty nightie (blush). Towards evening, we decided to go to our movie. During the movie Bryan's phone vibrated and lit up. (the ringer, thankfully was off) I recognized the telephone number as that of a single lady friend of ours. Since we were in the movie, Bryan put his phone back in his pocket and we enjoyed the end of the movie.

After the movie,we were feeling giddy from laughing. There in the alley outside the theater, Bryan took his phone out and played the message over the speaker on his phone. It was the single lady friend of ours. Her message began: "Hi Bryan, I don't know if Elizabeth is gone yet, but I'm calling to see if there's anything I can do for you."

Our jaws dropped, we rewound the message, played it again, and then Bryan, as he will do, busted into that wonderful laugh of his. It took me a minute, but I eventually joined him. It turned into this nearly inebriated laughing session that lasted the entire way home to Incline Village.

So, if anyone asks...I'm still here. Planning to stay. Haven't left or been left. Stand back ladies he's still mine.

Speaking of my gorgeous and desirable husband, he's training for a half marathon to celebrate his 50th birthday this August. His touching intention is to run in a half marathon this spring or summer that benefits the American Cancer Society. The running does wonders for his stress. All the wonderful meals and help with the boys have also eased his pressure.

Today, I have a special date with just Georgie. Bryan and Bryson will also spend special time together.

So off I go.

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Stop Looking and Start Knowing

by: Elizabeth

Cancer comes with a lot of questions, doesn't it? For about a month now, we've been studiously grappling with the questions that come with cancer: how did this happen, what do we do now, and the most problematic of late, are we picking 'the best' institution to guide us through my treatment? Vast and abundant are the opinions on this last question.

We struggled with the question of which hospital to trust with my treatment as if, well, as if my life depended upon making the right choice. Taking a step back, I can now say, unequivically, my life does not hinge upon which hospital or doctor we ultimately rely upon. Each of these institutions is abudantly qualified. A great friend of Bryan's likened the dilemma to choosing between a Porsche and a Ferrari. The differences are there, but the choice is great no matter which way you go.

Tonight I'm again realizing that my energy can be better spent. Instead of focusing on which human being can best help me navigate through this territory, I'm deciding to put my faith entirely in God. Afterall, the whole life or death thing is really his area, more than it is that of 'the best' instituion's. I will proceed with my treatments under the guidance of The Mayo Clinic and Dr. Larry Heifetz, here in the Lake Tahoe area. I'm simply acknowledging that God is ultimately in charge.

So often, people point out the value of 'a positive attitude', 'faith' and 'overall health'. These are the areas where I'm finding the certainty I could not find elsewhere. When I feel as if I'm actually connectiong with God, I don't wonder how this whole endeavour is going to end up. I don't need another human being to reassure me that all will be fine. When I turn to faith; I know all will be fine. Our boys will be fine. My sweet husband will be fine. I will be fine. The best evidence of this is, we already are fine. We're better than fine; we're great.

In keeping with the theme of everything being great. Our interview with the prospective nanny went great last Thursday. She, Hannah, feels like a wonderful choice for our family. Hannah will start on the 21st. Until then, Cristine and the wonderful parents that have helped us this first week have offered to help us with the boys.

Friends and family! There's an amazing example of the divine. Each and every one of you has provided us with so much strength through your love and support that we could almost float. Thank you, each of you, with all my heart.

Now, go see a funny movie.

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First Chemo and Blessings Galore

by: Elizabeth

Monday was my first chemo treatment. My best friend and loving husband, Bryan (for those of you that didn't already know his name) drove me to my appointment. He was fun and supportive. The same can be said for the wonderful staff at Dr. Heifetz's office. They explained my chemo process and attended me with gentle professonalism during my infusion. The oncologist's office even has two 'therapy dogs', 'Theo' and 'Buddy', who are a fun comfort.

We were a bit surprised when it came to the oral chemo medication. Twenty-three pills. It's at this stage that I'm reminded of all the millions of people that have faced-down chemo treatments before me, and those that face treatments along with me. Foremost in my mind is a little boy and son of a high school friend. Please hold John Ricksen in your prayers. He, and his loving family, are an inspiration to me.

My general opinion of chemo, so far, is that it does not compare to what I feared it might be. My childhoold friend Julie Tanner Reichle told me this would be the case. How nice to find out she was right. I've endured a few of the anticipated side effects, but none of the rare and dreaded side effects.

Our entire family continues to be upbeat and positive. This is, without a doubt, attributable to the grace of God and the blessings of friendship. The Care Calendar maintained by the Uber Moms, complete with wonderful meals, shopping and more has been more wonderful than I even imagined. The love and pure kindness in each of your acts is not lost on us. We feel each thought and prayer. They give us untold strength. The thoughts and prayers of friends that live farther away have done the same. Distance cannot dilute love.

The boys have been happily spending time with caring friends since last Monday, coming home to our house with Cristine Hereth by 3p. Cristine then helps us prepare the generous meals that have been lovingly offered by friends. (How will I ever be able to properly thank each of you?) The boys are feeling a few adjustment bumps, but nothing disturbing. For that, I am so grateful.
Today we are meeting with a nanny. We very excited and hopeful that she will be able to care for the boys each week day from 11:30a to 5p. More to come on that topic soon.

Bryan continues to work hard. As for what Bryan does, I think the boys describe it best, 'He makes sure people have lots of money when they need it.' Here's a more grown-up take on his business. Bryan didn't want to travel out of town this week for one day, as he generally does weekly. Next week he will return to this schedule. He seems to be less pressured and more at ease. Again, it is the generousity of family and friends that has brought him this comfort. This Saturday, in fact, Bryan and I will go on a 'date day' to be together and play.

On that note, today please hug at least two people you love (even if it's a telephonic or cyber hug), and tell them that you love them. Counting loved ones and blessing leaves little time for anxiety and saddness.

Hugs to you each of you from me too.

Chemo Starts, Uber Moms and Nannies

by: Elizabeth

Yesterday, we learned the results of the genetics testing on my bone marrow were 'inconclusive'. That is to say the results could not be definitively characterized as 'low risk' or as 'high risk' mm. So, I will be of the mindset that I am on a 'perfect health' track and the doctors will prescribe chemo as if I have 'high risk' mm. While they will start with an 'intensive' treatment, it will '...not be over the top', according to doctors. Here are some good thoughts to hold on to:

1. I have an 80% chance of achieving some type of remission, and a 30% chance of achieving complete remission. (In my opinion, I have a 100% chance of complete remission.)
2. Few side effects are expected from the chemo. I might lose my hair (not a problem, under the circumstances). I might be nauseous. I might experience some neuropathy.

On Monday, I will begin chemo. I will begin by taking: Velcade, Cytoxan and Decadron. I'll go to Truckee for chemo each Monday at 1p, for four to six months. Tuesdays are my possible 'bad days', according to the doctors.

After two months of weekly, therapy under the watchful and caring eyes of Dr. Heifetz and his nurse practioner Kathy, I will make a visit to Mayo for blood tests and a check-up. Sometime between March and May, I will make another visit to Mayo to undergo a bone marrow transplant. The marrow will be my own, harvested before the mega chemo dose given at Mayo and before the marrow transplant.

Several people have protectively suggested we consider visiting the University of Arkansas, renowned for their success with mm. Dr. Heifetz helped us evaluate this option under our personal circumstances and as compared to the program offered by the Mayo Clinic. After some consideration, Dr. Heifetz was convinced we were doing the right thing by going to Mayo.

When I spoke with another doctor his opinion was that Mayo takes a more 'risk adaptive' approach to therapy, while, in his opinion, the University of Arkansas is much more aggresive 'out of the gate'. While, at first glance, aggressiveness would seem like the answer, it comes with potential downsides, such as secondary cancers and bone marrow destruction. So Mayo it is.

We are speaking with several people about helping care for the boys. We are closing in on a great solution in this area.

Today, Bryan and I met with the fabulous Uber Moms (Sue Rock, Deanne Weinberger and Grace Davidson). They dealt with us with the gentle loving touch of, well, a mom, and with the professionalism of seasoned CEOs. We are dazzled by, and, as always, grateful for what they've come up with. At the suggestion of our wonderful neighbor, Gina Barth, they have set up a 'Care Calendar'. This website allows for the coordinating of our families needs and any help that friends might like to offer. Once again, we're humbled by the love and gestures. If you're interested in accessing this calendar, visit: Care Calendar, and type the security code: 5695.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts, prayers and gestures. We are truly benefitting from all your kind and loving energy.

Hugs from us to you. Have a great weekend.

Waiting, Organizing and Thinking Positively

by: Elizabeth

Our life is changing rapidly. While the transition and 'unknown' are intimidating, I sincerely believe that the changes will make for an outstanding environment for our family and for healing. I am determined to reclaim my health and have a deep sense that that's exactly what will happen. (no foolin')

We would not be nearly as organized and comfortable going forward, if not for the kind and loving efforts of so many friends. What amazing grace we feel. My first concern, Bryan and the boys, is being addressed in ways I never could have imagined.

Until we finalize arrangements for a long-term nanny, Cristine Hereth has organized an elaborate system of rides and love that will find Georgie and Bryson happy, safe and well-cared for. Thanks to Tanya Miller, Deanne Weinberger, Gina Barth and Michelle Williams for all they are doing to make this system work. We're working with Caitlin Johnson of interactivechildcare.com for the long term nanny. We've had our initial interview and plan another interview tomorrow. We'll also contact a nanny that Julia Cochran, a high school friend now living in Colorado, found for us.

The Uber Moms: Sue Rock, Deanne Weinberger and Grace Davidson are coming over on Friday morning with the intention of organizing and providing solutions for our family while I go through treatments. Amazing. Really. We are so touched and humbled by all these loving efforts. Each of you are providing life changing kindness to each member of our household. Thank you.

We're still awaiting the all-important genetic test results of my bone marrow that will determine if I have 'high risk' or 'low risk' mm. It is possible these tests will be inconclusive. The genetics tests will also help tailor my chemo treatments. I hope to start those treatments next week. That might not be reasonable, but I'm hopin'.

Today, we have house cleaners coming. (Does anyone else clean the house before they come over? Silly.) This is a luxury we gave up when the economy 'pulled a fast one' on all of us last year. Nice, but expensive to have back in our lives. In fact, they're at the door now.

More later. Love and thanks to each of you.

What we know and what we don't

by: Elizabeth

Today is fabulous day. I am so overwhelmed and grateful for all your prayers, offers and kindness. I honestly can say you're all making such a positive difference in our lives already. From the bottom of my heart, 'thank you'. We're still in the process of parsing out what we know from what we don't yet know.

Here's what we do know...and, well, some of what we don't know:

First and foremost, we've learned what wonderful people we are priviledge to call friends. The emails, Facebook messages, and comments left here have us in a state of stunned and grateful disbelief. As we apply some order to this situation, we will know more about our schedule and familiy needs. Please know your offers are already benefitting us.

We've also had a conversation with the doctor at Mayo that has been helping us most recently. The news he gave us, when viewed through our 'lens of positive thinking' is encouraging. But for the presence of the single lesion on my skull, my diagnosis would be 'Smoldering Multiple Myeloma.' This is, essentially, (multiple myeloma) mm in its earliest stages and before any real symptoms have manifested. Because of the lesion on the skull and the fact that my bone biopsy showed a slightly elevated count for the bad stuff, we'll need to treat what I have as mm.

In the next few weeks I hope to start chemo. Radiation, at least for now, seems to be 'off the table'. Chemo will last for weeks to months, there are quite a few variables. Once chemo is complete, I will head off to the Mayo Clinic again for about a one month stay. At that time, I will receive another dose of chemo and a bone marrow transplant. This will be my own bone marrow, salvaged before the chemo, I believe. After the transplant, I will hopefully enter a maintenence stage. Complete remission is possible.

What we're still waiting to find out on the medical side are the results of the genetics study on my bone marrow. These results will either show nothing or show that I have a 'low risk' or 'high risk' type of mm. Our ardent prayers are this test shows a 'low risk' type of mm. Under this scenario the prognosis is quite good. Among other things, the genetics study will hopefully show which of eight different types of mm I have. This information will help doctors tailor the treatments.

On the homefront...we touched by all your offers to care for the boys. We're still working with the friend/nanny we've offered the job to. She still needs to see if she can make this work. If she isn't able to work with us, we will gratefully accept the offers made. We'll keep you posted on this.

Many of you have also offered to bring food. It's so kind. Really. I think your efforts would be the most beneficial after I start chemo a few weeks from now. I'm doing pretty great right now. Sue Rock (775) 833- 0543 has offered to coordinate food gifts. Please know I feel so thankful, I actually feel embarassed. I hope none of you need the favor returned in the future, but, if you do, I'll be there.

And last, but certainly not least, I have an appointment with Dr. Larry Heifetz today, thanks to the heroically kind Sunday night efforts of our friend Eleanor. Thank you Eleanor for this kind introduction. Thanks also to the rest of you that offered to connect us with Dr. Heifetz.

Bryan and the boys are doing well, from what I can tell. Georgie is delighted to be back at school today. Bryson is home with sniffles, but still delighted.

January 3, 2010 - It's time to tell friends

by: Elizabeth

For the last year or so, I haven't felt quite right. In early December, I visited the Mayo Clinic and darned if those smart fellas didn't find a lesion at the base of my skull. After performing more tests than I knew they could administer, the consensus was, is, that I have Multiple Myeloma. There is still so much we don't know about the this. As we learn more, I'll post it here.

Bryan and I tried to process this 'news' over the holidays. We waited to tell friends until we knew more about what we're dealing with. We now understand that I will immediately start radiation and chemotherapy. Tomorrow we will learn more about the timing of all this.

Our hope is that I can receive both radiation and chemotherapy at Tahoe Forest Hospital in Truckee. Recently, they've assembled some great folks we think will be wonderful to work with. (If anyone knows anyone that we might speak with at Tahoe Forest about this, we'd be grateful for the introduction.)

We hope to have someone that will provide care and love for the boys while I go through treatement. While we have made an offer to a dear friend and nanny, we still have no one for the position. We're looking for someone to care for the boys from 11:30a to 5p on weekdays, and most Saturdays. They would need to pick both boys up from school.

Bryan is working hard, as he always does. Now, sadly, he has so much more to contend with. Please send him a message here when you get the chance. I want him to have love, support and friendship! He is amazing, as you all know.

I will continue to work at TahoeKidsGuide.com, Examiner.com and Famplosion.com. Those at Famplosion.com have been wonderful to me. I intend to do the same by them. As we learn more about this journey we'll post more on this blog.

Our family would be very grateful for your prayers and comments on this page. Most importantly, please keep a loving eye on Bryan and our boys during this process. They are my top concern.

I'm sending love to each of you and I'm so grateful you care. Please laugh at least twice each day...once for me and once for you.

Click here to read more about Multiple Myeloma.