Stop Looking and Start Knowing

by: Elizabeth

Cancer comes with a lot of questions, doesn't it? For about a month now, we've been studiously grappling with the questions that come with cancer: how did this happen, what do we do now, and the most problematic of late, are we picking 'the best' institution to guide us through my treatment? Vast and abundant are the opinions on this last question.

We struggled with the question of which hospital to trust with my treatment as if, well, as if my life depended upon making the right choice. Taking a step back, I can now say, unequivically, my life does not hinge upon which hospital or doctor we ultimately rely upon. Each of these institutions is abudantly qualified. A great friend of Bryan's likened the dilemma to choosing between a Porsche and a Ferrari. The differences are there, but the choice is great no matter which way you go.

Tonight I'm again realizing that my energy can be better spent. Instead of focusing on which human being can best help me navigate through this territory, I'm deciding to put my faith entirely in God. Afterall, the whole life or death thing is really his area, more than it is that of 'the best' instituion's. I will proceed with my treatments under the guidance of The Mayo Clinic and Dr. Larry Heifetz, here in the Lake Tahoe area. I'm simply acknowledging that God is ultimately in charge.

So often, people point out the value of 'a positive attitude', 'faith' and 'overall health'. These are the areas where I'm finding the certainty I could not find elsewhere. When I feel as if I'm actually connectiong with God, I don't wonder how this whole endeavour is going to end up. I don't need another human being to reassure me that all will be fine. When I turn to faith; I know all will be fine. Our boys will be fine. My sweet husband will be fine. I will be fine. The best evidence of this is, we already are fine. We're better than fine; we're great.

In keeping with the theme of everything being great. Our interview with the prospective nanny went great last Thursday. She, Hannah, feels like a wonderful choice for our family. Hannah will start on the 21st. Until then, Cristine and the wonderful parents that have helped us this first week have offered to help us with the boys.

Friends and family! There's an amazing example of the divine. Each and every one of you has provided us with so much strength through your love and support that we could almost float. Thank you, each of you, with all my heart.

Now, go see a funny movie.

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